Highlife and Mayhem
by Kaori-chan2
Summary: When Lucy's stuck-up aunt pays a visit, there's bound to be trouble. Of course it doesn't help that Natsu's invading her house and bed on a daily basis… especially not with a conservative lady like Millacent Heartfilia.
1. Millacent Heartfilia

So, yeah. I'm starting a multi-chaptered story, a real one with connected chapters. "Honey, Honey" is somehow connected as well, but not really since each chapter can be viewed as a oneshot in one way or another - I _am_ gonna finish that story too, sometime.

The idea to this story wouldn't stop bugging me until I wrote it down. Yes, it has a few OCs in it, but no Mary Sues, I promise. You'll see.

Other than that, have fun. Personally, I think the idea behind the story is brilliant and I'm happy I came up with it before somebody else did. Sorry, but that's just how I feel, haha.

Disclaimer: I own nothing except Millacent Heartfilia and Butler.

**Highlife and Mayhem**

**Chapter 1: **Millacent Heartfilia

The tip of a vintage parasol hit the bricked ground in front of the gates of the most infamous mage guild in Fiore, followed by a pair of the finest laced boots. Each of it seemed like a harbringer of disaster.

The woman who got off the carriage was an elegant, middle-aged lady with grim and distinctive features, the nose of Caesar and narrow lips. Her attire could have come straight out of an old movie classic, starting with her high-necked dress, to the tight bun that was her ash blonde hair, to the giant, flower-ornated hat. Maybe she would have given off a less stiff impression if she wasn't dressed purely in black and her skin wasn't so pale.

She wrinkled her nose, suspiciously eyeing the guild before her. "Well," she said aloud and skeptically arched a thin brow. "I suppose it does seem less… _degenerate_ than most other guilds I have seen. Less than the merchant guild at least, where her father met that disgrace to our noble family."

"Oh, I'm glad you like it, madam," said a soft male voice from behind the carriage as her tall and slender companion with pale brown hair unloaded their baggage. "I'm actually pretty amazed by the vision myself."

"I did not ask for your opinion, Butler," said the elder woman harshly.

Her butler immediately bowed. "I am terribly sorry, madam."

She gave an exasperated sigh, throwing a disgusted look back at the carriage. "I cannot believe I had to travel in this… this mishap of a vehicle." The driver was brave enough to shoot her an offended scowl, but luckily she had established a habit of simply overlooking the existence of unimportant people. "Where is my driver and what is his excuse for being absent?"

"You fired him, madam," answered her butler immediately.

"That is a poor excuse," said the elder woman. "He might learn his lesson if I fire him again."

"How witty of you, madam."

"Oi, I'm gonna need ya to pay up now, ya hear?" grumbled the driver, still looking pretty disgruntled about the mishapped-vehicle-remark. "Ain't planning to stick around here all day, ya know."

Butler offered him a polite smile. "My deepest apologies, good man. It is certainly not our purpose to steal any more of your precious time than necessary. I shall give you your money right away."

The driver arched a brow, blankly. "Yeah, whatever, then I shall receive it. Or something," he rasped out. The elder woman watched in irritation as her butler handed the driver his money and exchanged a bit of small talk with him. She started tapping her foot impatiently.

Finally, she was at the end of her tether. "Forgive me if _I_ do not plan to stand here all day. I would appreciate it if your little bonding could come to an end before the break of dawn."

"Testy lady," mumbled the driver under his breath.

The butler gave a sigh. "You have no idea."

"Butler, you know that patience is none of my many good traits."

"Certainly, madam," said Butler, smiling politely at the driver. "Have a good day, sir."

The driver laughed humorlessly. "Good luck with that one, buddy." The pale-brown haired man's smile never faltered as the coachman drove his carriage away.

The elder woman shook her head. "I do not see why we have to pay good money for a ride in the world's most outrageous carriage. In fact, I strongly recommend any of his customers to demand to be paid by _him_ for even traveling in that… that lump."

"I am terribly sorry if you felt uncomfortable, madam," said Butler.

"What kind of dilettante name is Fairy Tail, anyway?" scoffed his employer, the tip of her parasol hitting the ground with a soft _toc_ with each of her steps. "It is spelled absolutely falsely. Surely they must have meant to call it Fairy Tale, after Arthur Grimm's marvelous bestseller novels. They could not possibly have intended it to sound like fairies had tails. Unless this is a guild for cabaret artists."

Butler smiled nervously as he carried both their baggage through the gates of Fairy Tail. "Perhaps madam wants to lower her voice a little. I am sure these ladies and gentlemen would not be too delighted to hear madam refer to them as cabaret artists."

"Oh please, Butler, as if they care," she spat. "These people are obviously primates. They would not even know the difference between a Chardonnay and an ordinary wine."

Her assistant looked around uneasily, finding that several people sitting outside in the guild's open air café were throwing them offended glares. "Well, from the looks they are giving us, I suppose they are smarter than madam believes…" Butler uttered, following her quick steps as fast as possible.

"Balderdash," declared the elder lady, adjusting her sun hat. "The bald gentleman over there is losing chess to a pubescent boy. The lady over here obviously cannot afford proper clothing. And this gentleman here," she paused next to Alzack who was just about to leave the guild and now stared at her in surprise.

"Me?"

Butler sighed deeply. "Madam, please…"

"Yes you, boy. A man with hair as long and… _incoherent_ such as yours, which is an insult to society in itself, should always tie it back in a decent manner." She leaned closer, narrowing her eyes. "You look like a bear. Are you a bear, boy?"

Alzack nervously backed away while Bisca next to him started giggling into her palm. "N-no, ma'am."

The elder woman wrinkled her hooked nose. "Then you should not try so vigorously to transform into one." By now, Bisca was laughing openly and loud, which brought the woman's attention to herself as she eyeballed the girl from head to toe. "Why are you laughing at him? Not only is that rude, but also absolutely not your place. That cowboy hat looks ridiculous when you are not in the Wild West and, which I believe, have never been there in the first place."

"M-madam!" Butler screeched in utmost shock as Bisca's jaw dropped in offense.

"Alas, a fine place my niece has picked," scoffed the elder lady sarcastically, turning away and heading into the guild. "Come, Butler. I need a nice cup of Earl Grey."

Her butler bowed down to Bisca and Alzack. "My sincerest apologies, my lady, sir," he said before following his employer inside.

Alzack gawked after them, cold sweat running down his forehead. "G-gave me the chills."

Bisca nodded stiffly, eyes wide with disbelief. "D-definitely scary."

**.a.a.a.**

Butler almost didn't dare to look at his employer as she was, yes, a very scary lady. And this place here was full of people he knew she would like to give a piece of her oh-so-painfully honest mind. Yet, he did allow himself a glance at her after all, because you see, he was a very brave man, if only for putting up with her for sixteen years now. As expected she had that same uptight and stern expression on her face she always wore.

But Butler, knowing her for so long and being by her side almost twenty-four-seven, knew this was Uptight and Stern Expression #2: Utterly disgusted and shocked.

Which wasn't even surprising, seeing how the people of Fairy Tail were yelling and cursing and drinking and bawling and, to put it in the words of his employer, acting like primitive vagabonds. Even Butler found himself thinking that this behavior was beyond inappropriate, but never would he have thought about saying this out loud. He wasn't his employer after all.

"What a magnificent example for how the cavemen must have behaved," she remarked nonchalantly. "I cannot understand what she sees in this… this haven of bacteria."

Butler gulped, laughing nervously. "D-doesn't it have a charm of its own in a way?"

The elder lady shot him a lordly look. "If your standards are low enough to define charm as unhygienic and barbaric, then yes, certainly," she scoffed in a way that made him feel like an idiot.

"Would madam care to rest her legs over there while I serve the tea?" he asked in his usual polite manner, offering her his arm.

"No thank you, I prefer to not sit anywhere in this garbage dump." She resumed walking, her parasol toc-ing along. "Who knows what parasites linger on those worm-eaten benches."

Her butler sighed. "You are right, madam. I apologize for not thinking."

The elder lady waved it off in an elegant gesture and looked around for the person who looked the most competent and intelligent, which funny enough turned out to be Macao, but in a guild like this, competence and intelligence were relative anyway, from her point of view. It was also very convenient that he was the closest within her reach, but that was another story. At any rate, she steered directly for him, subtly clearing her throat.

It was a miracle in itself that Macao managed to hear her over all the noise, but Butler liked to think that his employer gave off a frightening aura that just quite simply couldn't be ignored.

"Excuse me, young gentleman," she said as less gruff as it was possible for this woman. "Who is in charge of this… this _place_?"

Butler fought the urge to slap his forehead. If she was going to say it in that tone, she might as well have called this guild a gorilla grove; it would have been insulting in the same way.

As expected, her effect on Macao showed almost immediately as he paled. "M-Makarov. Little man on the counter," he sputtered, and even Cana next to him had stopped drinking to gulp something else.

"Thank you. And you might want to tell that young lady next to you that it is unacceptable for a woman to drink from a barrel. In that position nonetheless," she said bluntly, turning away to head for the counter.

Again it was Butler's duty to apologize to the people his employer had voluntarily insulted, but he was long used to it. Actually, it was quite a surprise that the elder woman had not insulted Macao at all. Maybe she really did think he was somewhat… alright. He could only look forward to meeting the guild master. Surely he must be a dependable, decent…

…very small old man.

"This man?" said the elder woman, again sounding so snotty it almost physically hurt. "You have to be joking."

Makarov lazily glanced up at the tall lady, quirking an eyebrow in curiosity. "Do you need something?"

She narrowed her eyes, looking even lordlier than before. "Are you the master of this… this _place_?" she inquired, wrinkling her nose. Again, that tone. Butler could only sigh.

"Ah yeah, that's me. You wanna join or something?"

The elder woman raised her nose, and Butler identified her mimic as Uptight and Stern Expression #5: Utterly insulted. "Not even in exchange for money," she all but spat.

"M-madam…" murmured Butler, almost warningly.

"I am looking for my niece." She gave the guild master a look worthy of a sphinx. "I would like to know where she is."

Makarov frowned at her. "Who?"

"I do not believe that I stutter," she scoffed, narrowing her eyes further. "My niece. Where is she? I know she is part of your guild."

Much to Butler's surprise, the master of Fairy Tail wasn't intimidated by her appearance in the least. Far from it, in fact; he seemed almost indifferent.

"Sorry ma'am, but I really don't know who you're talking about."

Her face turned into Uptight and Stern Expression #3: Positively angered. "How can you not know? Have I not just told you to guide me to her whereabouts?"

Makarov actually gave a cocky grin. "But you see, you didn't say a name, lady."

This was simply unbelievable. Butler was completely amazed how this man had managed to bring forth three different expressions from her in just two minutes. Currently, he was observing Uptight and Stern Expression #4: Incredibly humiliated. This man truly was interesting.

"How dare you imply I am an incompetent dilettante," she snapped, and her cheeks even flushed the smallest bit with anger; or shame. "What impudence! This guild is a disgrace to humanity!"

"Ah, is it?"

That old man was definitely amused. Butler had never had so much respect for another person, except maybe his employer's niece. Still, he thought it would be better to swoop in right here and save the day before the lady could fire off like a rocket. So he cleared his throat, offering his most polite smile to the guild master.

"I am terribly sorry to interfere, sir," he said and Makarov looked at him. "We are looking for Miss Lucy Heartfilia. Might she be around by any chance?"

Makarov's eyes widened in surprise. "Lucy, you say?" he mumbled more to himself as he looked back to the elegant elder lady. "Then you are…"

"Lady Millacent Heartfilia," she said, downright scowling.

"What a pleasure! It's Lucy's family!" Makarov suddenly looked beyond delighted. "I was dying to meet you. You see, dear Lucy is very precious to all of us. She's such a great girl."

"Is she now," said Millacent, rather bored.

Butler distantly heard vague murmurs from the other guild members, discussing the news. Something about an old hag and how on earth Lucy could be related to her. Butler sometimes wondered himself.

"Mira-chan! Be an angel and fetch Lucy for me, yeah?"

Mirajane flashed a big and beautiful smile that would have any man swoon over her. "Right away, Master." Butler even blushed slightly.

Makarov grinned at them. "Can I offer you anything? Sake? Ale? The hard stuff?"

Millacent narrowed her eyes, and for a short moment Butler thought she might grimace. "No thank you," she said. "Although a tea would be nice. That is, if you even stock nonalcoholic beverages."

"But of course! Mira-chan, would you…" He stopped himself mid-way, blinking. "Ah, that's right, I sent her to get Lucy."

Millacent presented them Uptight and Stern Expression #6: Very, very annoyed.

**.a.a.a.**

Lucy felt an ice-cold shiver run down her spine in a most definitely unpleasant way.

She had had a queasy feeling in her guts all day, as if something terrible was bound to happen. And that wasn't even because Natsu and Happy were absent for some really weird reason, though it _was_ pretty boring without them. It was something else; something that she felt had to do with her. After all, she had dreamt of her father the other day, which was never a good thing. Each time she dreamt something related to him, big danger ensued.

Oh god, how she hoped she was just imagining things. And even if not, then please just let it be over fast. Or let Natsu save the day at least.

"Oh Lucy, there you are!" Mirajane called out with a sparkling smile, waving as she came over to her table where Lucy was trying to read a book. Emphasis on trying.

The blonde quirked an eyebrow. "You sure look excited, Mira-san. What's up?"

Mirajane clasped her hands together in utter delight. "Oh, something wonderful happened! Your family decided to pay you a visit!"

Nobody would have been able to describe the horror on Lucy's face with words.

"Not my father. Please say it's not my father," she uttered hypnotically and Mirajane laughed as she waved it off.

"No, no. She said she's your aunt."

Lucy promptly paled so much she was almost invisible, cold sweat forming on her forehead. "Th-that's a joke, right. There's no way she can be here. Ehehe, you're playing a trick on me, aren't you. You sly little idol," she laughed stiffly.

Mirajane cocked her head in confusion. "You're not happy?"

More like downright horrified. Surely Mirajane must have mistaken her for someone else. There was just no way that scary, mortifying, evil woman was here, in her Fairy Tail.

No way Millacent Heartphilia was here.

**.a.a.a.**

Yet there she was; plain as day and larger than life. Lucy could only gawk at her in pure terror, eyes wide and skin pale as ashes.

"A-aunt Millacent."

The elder woman turned around and arched a brow, not even the slightest ghost of a smile evident on her face after not having seen her niece in two years. "There you are, dear. I was on the brink of losing my patience," she said. "There are some very rude people here in this… this _guild_."

So she had not changed at all, what a surprise. Lucy wondered why her aunt was specifically glaring at Makarov, but shrugged it off, trying to force a stiff smile. "Aunt Millacent, how are you?" she pressed out as innocently as possible. "And what in _Lucifer's_ name are you doing here?"

"I am awful, obviously. The employees here are not even capable of making good tea." Mirajane puffed her cheeks in offense while Millacent put the mug down that she had held with a handkerchief. "And as I see, you are not doing so well either, or else you could afford some real clothes other than those… those rags."

The blonde gave an exasperated sigh. "So rags it is this time."

Millacent wrinkled her nose at her. "You look like an underage prostitute. Are you an underage prostitute?"

"No, Aunt Millacent," Lucy ground out in irritation. She would have loved to say yes, just to see her aunt's stupid face. Not to mention that she wasn't underage anymore.

"Then do not dress like one. You are giving the gentlemen here inappropriate ideas."

When Butler caught a glimpse of the anger evident in Lucy's eyes, he once again thought it was inevitable to interfere. "Miss Lucy," he said as he stepped forward and bowed. "It is always a pleasure to see you."

"Butler!" Lucy exclaimed, suddenly smiling again. "It's been such a long time. And please, don't bow. You know you don't have to do that with me."

"Yes, he does," said Millacent, narrowing her eyes. "You are a daughter of the Heartfilia family after all."

Lucy gave a sigh. "I abandoned that name when I ran away to join Fairy Tail."

Millacent narrowed her eyes even more. "So I see," she scoffed. "But surely you understand that you cannot deny your origins. You will always be a Heartfilia."

Oh, how Lucy hated it to argue with that woman. Somehow, she always managed to make her feel like a no-good idiot. Even weirder was that Lucy had never once got to have the last word with that woman. She really missed Natsu right now. That guy would have given Millacent a piece of his mind for sure, Lucy's aunt or not. She could practically already hear him yell that Lucy's family was Fairy Tail now.

She really wished she could do it herself.

But she settled for a scowl, for now. "Let's just cut it out," said the blonde, shaking her head in exasperation. "Why don't you tell me what you've come for instead?"

Millacent narrowed her eyes in offence. "Is it forbidden to visit my niece?"

"You mean to tell me," Lucy said very slowly and very, very suspiciously, "that you came here without _any_ ulterior motive? In all honesty?"

"You say that as if I was a cunning, manipulative shrew." Millacent seemed truly shocked. "You have been gone from my life for nearly a year now, and I-"

"Two years actually, Aunt Millacent."

Millacent's eyebrow twitched in discontent at her niece's interruption. "Yes, yes, you have been gone for a while. I just happen to be interested why this guild was worth leaving your home for."

Lucy crossed her arms in front of her chest. No way was that true. It just could not be the only reason for this unexpected visit. She knew her aunt better than that. Puckering her lips and narrowing her eyes, she mumbled under her breath, "Now that's a little hard to believe." Luckily, Millacent hadn't heard her.

"C'mon Lucy, this is a joyous occasion," Makarov suddenly said, giving the blonde a lop-sided grin. "It doesn't happen every day that we have guests as pleasant as your lovely aunt."

"You flatter me," Millacent scoffed dryly as Lucy paled in a what-the-hell-she's-_not_-lovely kind of way.

"We should have a party or something. Mira-chan, bring out the hard stuff!"

Millacent sighed in exasperation. "That is not necessary," she said, halting him with a raised hand. "I had a long journey in an _inexplicable_ ride. I would like to rest now."

_Oh hell no. Please don't let this happen_, Lucy thought, sensing where this was heading. Her bad premonition was proven true when her aunt turned to look at her. Lucy felt herself flinch involuntary.

"Lucy dear, show me the way to your mansion."

What kind of demon hated her so much? That woman seriously wanted to stay with her in her house. In her _room_. And… oh dear Lord, she was going to want to sleep in her bed too, wasn't she?

_No way in hell!_

"Y-you see, aunt Millacent," Lucy spoke up very weakly, her mind swirling. She could _not_ let this happen. "I don't have a mansion or anything. I live in a small place, a _very_ small place that you would honestly not like at all, so…"

Millacent's eyes narrowed dangerously. "I sincerely hope you were not going to suggest that your own _flesh and blood_ sleeps someplace else, were you? _My dearest_ _niece_."

Lucy really, really wanted to scream and yell, anything so this woman would not barge into her privacy like that, but once again she was at a loss of words. She might be one of the few people who actually dared to talk back at Millacent Heartphilia, but more often than not, she somehow, she wasn't even entirely sure exactly how, always ended up agreeing to her insane requests. It was a pain in the ass, this and her aunt both.

"O-of course not."

_Damn you, Lucy you idiot_, she grumbled in her mind. Well done, really.

"I expected as much," said her aunt, wrinkling her nose. "Very well then, tell Butler where your driver is so that we can leave this hole at last."

Lucy felt her brow twitch. The nerve of that woman. "I don't need a driver or anything. My home isn't far by foot, so-"

Her aunt seemed shocked. "By… by foot?" she gasped, horrified. "Butler, have I heard this right?"

"I'm afraid so, madam," said Butler, somewhat embarrassed. Probably by his employer's behavior. Lucy herself tried to avoid the amused glances from her guild mates.

The blonde gave a heavy sigh. "Listen, Aunt Millacent, it's just a stroll down the riverside. My house is the brown one, you can even see it from the guild. It really isn't far, and who knows, you might enjoy a little walk."

Millacent knitted up her eyebrows. "I do not think so. After all, I am not a young girl anymore, unlike you."

"Could've fooled me, milady," Makarov downright _purred_.

"You be quiet," Millacent all but spat. Butler found it astounding. His employee usually never lost her countenance and told someone to be _quiet_. This guild master was truly interesting.

From somewhere behind Lucy, she could hear Gray mumble to Erza, "H-hey, can she really talk to the old man like that?"

"Don't be rude," hissed the Titania, elbowing him _very_ hard. "She's admirable."

"Ow! Shit, I think you broke my _rib_-"

The elder lady narrowed her eyes almost to slits. "I cannot bear to remain in this… this _guild_ for even one more minute." Lucy opened her mouth to defend Fairy Tail, but Millacent was faster, "Lucy dear, show Butler the way to your mansion as you two carry my belongings," she bellowed while walking outside.

That caught the Stellar mage off-guard. "Huh? Wait." She quickly stormed after her aunt, Butler following rather leisurely; he was used to this after all. "Don't tell me you're gonna-"

"I assume that… that _thing _over there is your house," she stated, wrinkling her nose in utter dismay as she pointed her chin toward the riverside.

"Yes, but-"

"Very well then, I will fly there."

Lucy and Butler, along with all the other curious members of Fairy Tail, watched in horror (Lucy), embarrassment (Butler) or disbelief (everyone else), as Millacent Heartfilia raised her umbrella to open it. Shortly afterwards, her feet lifted off of the ground and she began flying toward Lucy's oh so painfully not private home.

"What the hell?" somebody behind Lucy called out. "Is she freakin' Mary Poppins?"

"That scary old hag- I mean, Lucy's aunt's a mage!"

Butler smiled politely at Gray. "It's a magical umbrella, nothing more," he explained.

"Very admirable," Erza said proudly. "As expected of Lucy's relative."

Makarov grinned widely. "Just my type of woman."

Lucy gave another beat sigh. "Sorry, guys," she said, trying to smile. "My aunt's very difficult. Don't take what she said seriously, okay?"

General murmuring from her guild mates, grudgingly but approving. Lucy guessed her aunt had already done her job of insulting every single person in the hall. Only Erza had a look of pure and utter awe on her face – the blonde registered it half-shocked, half-indifferent. It was actually expected of someone like Erza, but then again this was Lucy's _aunt_ they were talking about. She quickly shrugged it away, and everyone else didn't seem very eager to hear an anecdote from the Titania about strong women either.

Butler gave the niece of his employer a warm smile. "Don't concern yourself with the luggage, Miss Lucy. I will of course ensure that you do not have to lift a finger of yours."

Lucy grinned brightly. "Oh, it's no problem at all! I'm still a mage, you know," she said, winking at him and holding up a golden key. "Open the gate of the bull! Taurus!"

The common magic seal appeared around the small golden key and just a few moments later, after a soft plopping-sound, a full-grown, very tall bull-man was standing in the guild hall with a giant axe on his back. Butler flinched when the bull gave a terrifying growl, but soon the creature was practically puffing out hearts and cooing at Lucy in the most disgusting ways.

"Moo! Lucy-san, you breasts look great as usual!"

"That's indecent!" Butler exclaimed in shock, blushing the faintest bit.

Lucy sighed in exasperation. "Don't worry about it. Taurus is always like that," she quickly said, waving it off, and then turned to the bull. "Could you please help Butler carry that luggage?"

"Of course! Anything for your breasts! Moo!"

The blonde watched in amusement as Taurus picked up all of her aunt's luggage – meaning five big cases – all while Butler kept reprimanding him about how it was unacceptable to openly tell a lady how appealing her chest was, especially if it was someone like Lucy Heartfilia. The Stellar mage was just about to follow the bickering duo as a small hand grabbed her arm to hold her back for just one more minute. Lucy turned around, blinking as she realized it was Lisanna, Mirajane and Elfman's little sister, who had just recently returned.

Lucy gave a nervous smile when she saw the sly grin on the ivory-haired girl's face. "Lisanna? What is it?"

Lisanna giggled, winking at her. "Aren't you forgetting something important, Lucy?"

"Huh?"

"Natsu," said the takeover-mage.

"What about him?"

"Well, he hasn't been around all day. Where do you think he could be?"

Lisanna's meaningful, but coy smile was enough to make Lucy's eyes widen in absolute horror. Oh, this wasn't good. This was _so_ not good. This was the most horrible, troublesome, unnecessary thing she needed right now, but she knew it was inevitably going to happen. There was just no way that Lucy was lucky enough that today would be the day her privacy was sacred. No way was there a chance when you were friends with Natsu Dragneel.

He was going to be in her room. And her aunt was going to be there, too. And they were going to _meet_.

"Oh crap."

Lisanna smiled brightly, obviously she found the situation more than hilarious. God, she was so much like her sister when it came to that stuff. Lucy couldn't be more frustrated with her life.

"Exactly."

**.a.a.a.**

Butler was almost run over by Lucy who stormed by him and her Stellar spirit Taurus with threefold sonic speed, blinking in bewilderment as she ran past with the single-mindedness of a wild boar, heading straight for his employer. Millacent was standing before the brown house at the riverside of Magnolia, looking beyond unnerved and impatient. Uptight and Stern Expression #8, Butler noted dryly to himself.

"I am not pleased," he heard Millacent say to Lucy who was panting heavily from her little sprint, "It is quite chilly today and my only niece is making me wait for so long in front of this… this _building_."

Oh god, that tone again. Butler's head sunk. He had hoped she would be civil at least to Lucy.

"It's summer, aunt Millacent. Not that you care," growled the very same Lucy breathlessly, taking out her house keys.

Millacent turned her head to her butler so quickly that the man backed away a bit, and even Taurus flinched as he caught sight of her dangerous expression. What a scary old lady that woman was. The spirit had to admit that he had rarely seen such an intimidating person even in his countless decades and centuries of existence.

"Butler, my niece seems to have lost her manners over the years she has been in that… that _hole_," she said, as if she expected the man to scold Lucy.

Lucy narrowed her eyes. "It's not a hole. And it happens to be my most precious place in the world, by the way." She turned to Taurus, trying hard to smile. "Thanks for helping out, Taurus. You can go back now."

"No problem! Moo!"

As the bull disappeared back to the spirit realm, Lucy was half-astonished that he had not complimented her breasts or body at all like usually when he left. But then again, even Taurus must have felt that it was better to keep quiet in the presence of her aunt. Who knows how long her speech would have been had she heard him mention Lucy's voluptuous chest even just once in her presence. They would never hear the end of it. Lucy made a mental note to thank him later on.

Now as for Natsu. She still had the tiny hope that he was not there today.

"What a disturbing creature that was," Millacent remarked snottily, wrinkling her crooked nose. "But I guess that… that _thing_ was not entirely useless."

Lucy gave her a half-hearted glare. "Don't call him a thing. He's my spirit, Taurus." She saw her aunt's indifferent stare and sighed. "It's my magic, you know. Stellar spirit magic."

Millacent narrowed her eyes. "I know what it is. Do you think I am a dilettante?"

"No," uttered the blonde with gritted teeth. God, she was so vexing.

"Would you open that worn down door already, Lucy dear. I am tired and I need to rest my legs."

Butler watched the niece of his employer pale to an alarming degree and wondered what was wrong. And he thought he saw a few beads of sweat forming on the girl's forehead. Truth be told, he had rarely seen Lucy that worked up before and it had to have something to do with her apartment. He had a very bad feeling about this.

"S-sure," Lucy mumbled quickly, pressing her key into the keyhole of the front door.

The walk up the stairs felt like an awful eternity. Lucy felt herself getting more nervous with every step she took, her palms moistening on the rail as she supported her march. She led the way, her aunt following close behind and Butler waiting downstairs with the luggage for an okay from Millacent. Even though the elder lady was eager to spend her stay at Lucy's place, she guessed her aunt wanted to check it out first – that was just how she was.

As the door to her apartment came closer, Lucy's heart sank lower and lower. She was sending a million prayers to heaven that Natsu would not be there, anything that would spare her of another of Millacent's dreadful preaching about indecency, delicacy and proper demeanor. She really had no nerve for this right now, not that she ever had.

What was she going to do?

_Oh crap, I need a plan. I really, really need a plan_, Lucy thought desperately, gulping hard.

She hesitated in front of door to her apartment, her hand just numbly grabbing the door handle. Her aunt behind her was already impatiently tapping her foot while the blonde was busy chanting in her head about how it was impossible this was happening to her and that everything would be all right. This was just a nightmare and any minute now she would wake up. Lucy was sure of it.

"Are we waiting until we strike roots?" Millacent all but spat.

Lucy gulped once more, closing her eyes. There was no way around it. This was the moment where it was impossible to drag this out any further. She needed to open the door. Her doom was there right in front of her and she had no choice but to walk right into it. Oh, this was without a doubt among the top five of the worst days in her life.

Shit.

Before she could change her mind, she opened the door only a few inches, and peeked inside. At first very carefully, and when she saw an empty apartment, she dared to poke her head inside. And when the room was still empty, and her heart felt light and relieved enough, she opened the door completely, suddenly rather cheerful. There was a God and he loved her.

She turned around to her aunt, grinning, making room to let her enter the apartment. "Welcome then, aunt Millacent! This is my room," she said.

Millacent raised one thin eyebrow. "Hm." She managed to put a whole world of disapproval into that one small sound. "This… this tiny thing is _it_?"

"Yes," Lucy pressed out. Well, at least Natsu wasn't there.

Or so she thought.

"Lucy! You're finally home!"

"Luuucy~!"

Lucy froze in place like she was a pillar of salt. No way in hell. She took back what she said about there being a God. God didn't exist, since this could not be the work of a forgiving and loving God. This was just impossible. It could not be happening.

Yet it was. In the worst imaginable way.

Natsu stumbled outside Lucy's bathroom with just a towel wrapped around his waist, dripping wet and with a flying Happy following close by. Lucy stared at him in pure horror as if he was the most terrible monster she had ever laid her eyes on. And she was pretty sure that she saw out of the corners of her eyes that even her aunt wore a very shocked look on her face. This guy was killing her, slowly. She had been sure he would be the death of her someday, be it from danger or out of frustration. Now she was sure it was going to be the latter.

"You're out of that berry-tasting shampoo you use, weirdo. What's up with those tiny bottles anyway?" Natsu growled. The guy had the nerve to sound annoyed at her. "There's almost nothing in there."

Happy nodded quickly, small brows knitting up. "Aye! Lucy's a tiny bottled freak!"

_That makes no sense_, Lucy wanted to shout, but luckily stopped herself just in time. She had to think of something, and she had to do it quickly before Millacent could recover from her shock. How in the world was she going to explain what a half-naked guy was doing in her apartment, taking a bath and everything? The truth was out of the question. No one would believe that a guy was oblivious enough to invade a marriageable girl's house on a daily basis without ulterior motives. She had to come up with a believable lie and she had to do it fast.

Unfortunately, Lucy's mind was blank with terror. So her aunt had plenty of time to grasp the situation.

"Lucy dear," she said almost too sweetly and Lucy shivered at the sound. "There is a nude young man with odd hair in your apartment. Whatever might be the meaning of this?"

Her eyes narrowed abruptly.

"Explain. _Now_."

The blonde was so absorbed in her personal horror that she almost completely zoned out Natsu's and Happy's terrified murmurs about how that woman was probably related to Erza in some way – and damn, they really were similar – while she desperately tried to think of a solution. Her mind was racing. And that was when her intuition kicked in. The worst thing about it was that whenever Lucy acted out of a whim, it was always bound to end disastrous. But she still acted. She did the only thing she could think of possibly having a chance to be helpful.

She hugged Natsu.

Giggling like a school girl and ignoring the confused frown on his face, she nervously started blabbering whatever came to her mind. Which was anything but intelligent.

"Well, ho-_ney_~! Aren't you just so bold? We have company, sheesh!" she cooed completely saccharine.

"What the _hell_ are you- GAH!"

Before he could finish and ruin everything, Lucy had pinched his sides _very_ painfully and darkly smiled up at him with a face that clearly said, _Play along or die a horrible death_.

To people who knew Millacent Heartfilia, she looked beyond mortified – in reality though, her mouth simply started twitching. Truthfully, the last and also first time Lucy had seen that look on her face was when she had suggested becoming a mage like a her mother and joining a guild – that had been shortly before she ran away from home.

"I… I am still waiting for an explanation for this… this _uncouthness_." The elder woman sounded almost a little choked up. And Lucy didn't even remember ever hearing her scary aunt stutter before.

Lucy turned around, smiling brightly, but inside her there was a storm of terror. "Isn't it kinda obvious? I'm sure a sophisticated and intelligent lady such as yourself has already figured out who this fine young man is."

"Why's Lucy being all stuck-up?" Happy whispered to Natsu who Lucy was still hugging around the waist.

"Beats me. Just wait and see," he hissed back.

Millacent crossed her arms. "I am actually hoping for the first time that I am wrong."

With quick movements, Lucy had already grabbed the dragon slayer's arm and draped it around her shoulders to lean her head against his chest, cold sweat forming on her forehead. Oh shit, what was she doing? Honestly, what the hell was she doing here? This could just go horribly, horribly wrong.

"You're absolutely right, though," she chirped. "This is Natsu Dragneel."

She was doomed. She was running towards sure disaster completely voluntary.

"My fiancé."

**tbc**


	2. Mission Pet Name

**AN: **Phew, finally! Took me a while because I've got private stuff going on, but here it is. Glad to see the story is so well received! Looks like I'm not the only one loving this plot, which is just awesome. And I promise it'll just get even better. Thanks so much for your reviews!

I had really fun playing around with Natsu's mischievousness and his intentional OOC-ness. I think he'd totally have his fun with stuff like it happens in this chapter and mess with Lucy's head. And Millacent just continues to be a major lady-jerk. I kinda hate, but love that woman.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing except Millacent Heartfilia and Butler.

**Highlife and Mayhem**

**Chapter 2: **Mission Pet Name

"I'm so, so sorry!" Lucy whispered a little too high-pitched to Natsu, folding her hands in an apologizing gesture.

She had managed to put off her aunt with a nice cup of Earl Grey to drag the Dragon Slayer and the Eksheed into her bathroom – the excuse being to fill up the shampoo – to explain the situation and most importantly, herself. Natsu arched a rosy eyebrow at her, crossing his arms in front of his still bare chest and staring incredulously at her. Lucy tried to avert her eyes from his appealing torso - she was too busy to be flustered about her half-naked team mate.

"What was that all about, Lucy?" he grumbled. "Fiancé? When did that happen?"

Happy was coyly smiling behind his little paws. "I knew you llllliked him!"

Normally, Lucy would have scolded the blue cat for rolling his tongue like that, but there were more important things right now. "I know this looks pretty unreasonable," she murmured sheepishly, playing with her fingers. "But that woman's my aunt. My Papa's sister. And she's a little old-fashioned as you've seen. She wouldn't understand why you're always here, taking baths and sleeping in my bed, Natsu."

Natsu seemed to calm down, scratching the back of his neck. "Yeah, I got that. But what do you want me to do now?"

Lucy bit her lower lip and then bowed down as deeply as she could, for the first time ever in front of Natsu, and folded up her hands once more. She was dead meat if he said no.

"Please play my fiancé for a few days! Just until she leaves!"

Natsu gawked at her, disbelieving. "Are you _serious_?"

"Please," said the blonde, insistently. "I'd really owe you one. You don't even have to do much. Just hug me sometimes, hold my hand and call me 'sweetheart' or something."

Natsu was suspiciously silent for a while. Lucy, who had her head lowered, slowly looked up curiously to see what was going on, seeing as it was so not like him, and what she found was beyond anything she had expected. Never had she thought that she would ever see that kind of expression on the face of the fierce, battle-lusting, tough Dragon Slayer that she had known for almost two years now.

He was _blushing_. Madly and embarrassed.

"Na-Natsu?" Lucy sputtered, totally taken aback. "Don't tell me you're…"

"Natsu's really shy when it comes to romance," Happy cooed slyly.

If possible, Natsu blushed even more. "Sh-shut up! I'm not!"

Somehow, she didn't know why, seeing Natsu blush made her blush herself. She knew he could be cute when he wanted to, especially when he was sleeping, but she didn't know exactly _how_ adorable he could be. Sure, he did blush when her chest had been squished up against his face after he had caught her during the Phantom Lord fiasco or in his sleep when Happy had exclaimed she wore a maid outfit, but never ever had she seen him blush like _this_ before.

"S-so…" Damn it, why was she stuttering now? "You won't do it, huh?"

"Of course I will."

Lucy's head rocketed up, shocked. Natsu avoided looking at her, massaging his neck, still embarrassed.

"You're my friend and you need my help," he said. "There's no way I'll let you down."

The relief she felt was so great that she nearly started crying, but she merely glanced up at Natsu with an awestruck expression and watery eyes. How could she forget? Natsu was unbelievably reliable when it was about his friends. She was so lucky to have him. She tried to disregard that the whole mess she was in was his fault in the first place.

Lucy couldn't help a mischievous smile. "Thanks, _darling_."

"Natsu's blushing again! He llllikes you!"

"Sh-shut up! I don't!"

**.a.a.a.**

Natsu felt something between blank horror and annoyance.

He was sitting across from Millacent Heartfilia at Lucy's dinner table – which was just a low couch table, really. His annoyance was partly, or rather for the greater part, because Lucy's stuck-up aunt was sitting on his favorite spot; the armchair. That was _his_ seat, god damn it. And now he was forced to sit on the ground, with Lucy sprinting around in the kitchen trying to cook up something edible. And Happy was helping her out. They just went and left him _alone_ with this scary woman.

And Millacent was glaring at him. In a definitely terrifying way.

Natsu couldn't believe this woman was related to cheerful, lovely, weird Lucy at all. She was way more relatable to someone like Erza. Millacent was just so painfully different from her niece, it wasn't even funny. But then again, he had met Lucy's father before, so it shouldn't be all that surprising that his sister was even more of a crooked person than he was.

Why the hell was this happening to him again? Oh, right. He had this awful habit of invading Lucy's home. He made a mental note to never do it again. He would at least try.

"Alas," Millacent suddenly said and Natsu flinched. What did 'alas' mean again?

Natsu frowned at her. "Yeah?"

"It is a bit hard to digest that my niece is now romantically involved with a person who can only be described as a… a _delinquent_," she sighed, taking a sip of her tea. Natsu glared indignantly at her. "Whatever she might see in you, it is a mystery to me."

This old hag really had some nerve. Natsu's lips were already quivering suspiciously with an urge to talk back at her. But she was Lucy's aunt. He couldn't be rude to her. That would just get Lucy mad at him. And the last thing he needed now was a pissed Lucy mixed with Lucy's scary aunt. And then, just because there was a little thing called Murphy's Law, Erza would come barging in just to send him to hell for the heck of it.

He forced a shaky smile, gritting his teeth. "Yeah, I'm _so_ lucky."

Millacent shot him a harsh look. "I hope you are treating her well, Mr. Dragneel." Natsu cringed at the way she addressed him. It wasn't like he was eighty or something. "You will understand that I need to observe you during the days I will spend in Magnolia. Lucy is a Heartfilia. I should probably not expect someone like you to understand what that means, but I cannot allow our family's reputation to be tainted by the likes of you. Should you not be worthy, that is."

That was when something inside Natsu's brain snapped. Inside, he was seething with anger. Hell, he would punch anyone who dared to say something like that to him into the next millennium, but unfortunately, this was Lucy's aunt. Damn that stupid Lucy. She was giving him nothing but trouble. Why in the world did her family have to be _this_ hag?

He desperately bit down on his tongue so much that he was scared it would start bleeding. He couldn't snap at her. He definitely had to restrain himself. Definitely. He could do this. He did have a little bit of what ordinary people called self-control, he was sure he had.

"Although looking at you, I am very certain that Lucy is merely going through a rebellious phase. Being with a vagabond, joining a rampaging magic guild. She is making a statement toward her family, but she will wake up soon and realize where she belongs," said Millacent, looking superior to him in more ways than one. "It is quite simply impossible that she is truly satisfied."

Okay, screw self-control.

Natsu grinned wolfishly at the woman. "Believe me, she's satisfied. Because I'm amazing in bed."

Something back in the kitchen clanked loudly. It sounded a lot like Lucy had just dropped a pot or a pile of dishes. Shortly after, a low screech could be heard accompanied by Happy's giggling, while Millacent's mouth opened wordlessly to an almost shocked expression. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Natsu knew that what he was doing could only turn this situation into a full-fledged disaster, but it was too late. He was pissed and he couldn't stop.

"E… excuse me?"

"I rock Lucy's world," said Natsu and meaningfully waggled his eyebrows. "It's a miracle she's able to walk after yesterday night. You know, after I did _this_ and _that_ to her, oh yeah, she really likes it when I-"

"HONEY!"

The next minute, Lucy was glomping him from behind, desperately clasping a hand over his mouth to keep him silent while Natsu struggled for dear life. She flashed her aunt a shaky smile as she rubbed her cheek against Natsu's in what was supposed to look like an endearing hug, but in reality came off as looking plain excruciating. The dragon slayer was a hundred percent certain that Lucy was totally hurting him on purpose, but he was way too proud to admit he deserved it.

A nervous giggle bubbled out of the young blonde's mouth. "Would you stop it with your weird jokes? Aunt Millacent doesn't know you well enough to tell that you're kidding," she sputtered hastily while Natsu's face already colored an unhealthy looking shade of blue. "Since _of course_ you're only joking. I'm a virgin after all."

One of Millacent's eyebrows rose at her niece's antics, words and most importantly, at the sight of Natsu's near death experience. Obviously, she wasn't very convinced. Lucy feared that her aunt had already judged. She knew it always happened this fast, so it shouldn't be surprising.

"I… can't… breathe!" Natsu finally croaked out hoarsely once he had managed to shake his fake-fiancée off of him. Slowly, his face returned to a more normal looking color. "Shit, you crazy woman…" he hissed under his breath, glaring at the blonde.

Lucy tried to drown him out with a shrill and beyond unnatural sounding laugh. "Ohoho! But you've gotta cut him some slack, aunt Millacent," she blabbered, trying to ignore the suspicious looks from her aunt. "We've been a couple for almost two years now, so my little sweet-cheeks here had it pretty rough knowing I'll remain a virgin until it's time for our wedding night. He compensates it with those stupid jokes."

_Sweet-cheeks?_ Natsu felt nauseous, the kind that came close to what he felt on vehicles. And wasn't that a pet name that guys used on girls?

"You do not say." Millacent seemed unimpressed. "Is that why Mr. Dragneel wants to marry you?"

Oh god, that old _hag_.

The dragon slayer felt his fists quiver with anger. What kind of guy did she take him for? Was it really that hard to believe that a man would get married to an old-fashioned girl like Lucy out of love and not lust? Okay, yeah, he wasn't _actually_ going to marry Lucy, but she was a great girl. The guy she was going to end up married to would surely do it out of love, since she was sweet and funny and smart and had a very big heart. Was that so hard to believe for that stuck-up, stupid aunt of hers?

It made him so mad that playing the part didn't seem so hard anymore.

Lucy looked equally stunned, but managed to suppress a sassy comment. "Wh-what are you saying? That's just-"

"Of course not," Natsu said harshly, interrupting the blonde. "What, you think I have to bang a girl so badly that I'd marry her? That's not the kinda man I am."

The blonde's mouth fell open in shock, cheeks heating up not only at Natsu's uncouth choice of words, but also at how serious he looked when he had said them. Never would she have thought that he was this good an actor. Her eyes flitted over to her aunt, flinching when she saw a vein of anger plop on her forehead. Calling this going badly was probably an understatement.

"Aye!" Happy came flying inside, looking equally angered. "Natsu and Lucy lllllove each other!"

Lucy's jaw dropped completely. By now, she was sure she looked like a tomato. On one hand, it was clear that this situation deserved a spot in her top five of her most embarrassing moments of all time, but then again, she couldn't help feeling a little touched that both her best friends got so mad at the implications of her aunt. Still, her aunt was a scary lady. All the more surprising was that Natsu seemed totally calm about it. His brows knitted up, and then, he did something that she would have never thought he would do.

He took her hand in his, intertwining their fingers and her inner Lucy squealed like a school girl at the contact.

Her heart almost popped right out of her chest as he nodded determinedly, although his cheeks were maybe a little rosier than usual. "Damn straight," he said. "We're happy and she's gonna stay with me until we're old and grey and done for. And if you don't like that…"

Lucy actually held her breath.

"Well." Natsu's eyes narrowed. "Too bad for you!"

_W-wow_, was the only thing Lucy's mind was able to come up with. He had never appeared as more of a hero to her than right now. He was so manly when he had made his statement to her aunt, his voice so clear and deep and not allowing any opposition. If she was very honest, every time she had imagined a man asking for her hand in marriage and defending their relationship, it always went somewhat like this. And it didn't really help that Natsu's hand was just so big and warm and nice to hold.

She was so delighted by her team mate's solidarity that she almost forgot about a tiny little detail that was her seething aunt. Well, that is, Lucy could have betted her room that she was raging inside. She carefully looked up into Millacent's pale face, just in time to see her already narrow eyes narrow even more until they were mere slits. Lucy gulped hard, the tension was way too thick. When she felt Natsu's fingers twitch around hers, her eyes darted over to him, finding that he was nowhere near as calm as he came across: Beads of sweat were running down his forehead, he was kind of pale and his brows, though still knitted up in a solemn expression, were trembling. She guessed with the whole Erza-aura her aunt emitted, it shouldn't be that surprising. Even Happy behind them gave a small squeak of fear as he hid himself in Lucy's hair; his little moment of bravery had been short, huh?

Millacent looked on the brink of an outburst that would scar them for the rest of their lives. That was when Lucy made a decision. She had to show some courage now. It was the least she could do after what Natsu had done.

With that thought, she somehow managed to flash her aunt a big and truthful smile. "See, aunt Millacent? I'm in good hands. I couldn't be happier."

And it wasn't a lie. Everything was true, entirely and completely true. Not in the way they said it was, not in the way her aunt thought it was, but on some level, everything was the truth.

Millacent stared at them gravely for a few moments longer. Lucy heard Natsu gulp hardly, and squeezed his hand encouragingly. It would be okay. Even if her aunt was displeased, who the heck cared? Yes, she was happy here. She loved Fairy Tail. She loved hanging out with Natsu and Happy. Screw if her family thought it was nonsense. To Lucy, it was her dream, her world. And there was nothing more precious than that.

Her aunt slowly brought her cup of tea to her lips and closed her eyes for a sip so long that it felt like a scorching eternity. After she put the cup back down and had slipped back into her black silk gloves that she had took off for the tea, she looked up at them once again. She still looked anything but pleased and Lucy tried not to let her feel that her mind was swirling. It was bad enough that Natsu was so obviously intimidated by the woman. Or he really was that good an actor, since he actually appeared like the stereotypical guy-who-meets-his-girl's-family.

Finally, Millacent sighed. "I must say, your taste in men leaves me speechless, Lucy dear. Although I would be lying if I said Mr. Dragneel was not… _intriguing_ in some way."

Natsu's eyes widened in wonder and Lucy's face lit up with relief. Realizing that she was sporting the most stupid grin ever, she quickly tried to snap out of it. Jeez, they weren't _actually_ asking for Millacent's blessing.

"Seeing as this… this _place_ is preoccupied, I suppose I can spend the nights in a hotel," Millacent declared as she stood up and grabbed for her parasol.

"Yes! We have great hotels here in Magnolia!" Lucy quickly exclaimed, beaming as she also stood up, pulling a reluctant Natsu up with her.

Millacent walked ahead, straight for Lucy's front door, with elegant steps, and Natsu finally released the breath he didn't notice he had been holding. He ignored the slight sting of disappointment he felt when Lucy wriggled her hand free from his grasp – he had been downright _crushing_ her out of nervousness – and decided to be grateful instead, since his palms had been already too moist to begin with, so making skin contact with Lucy's amazingly soft hands didn't really help. She really did have such smooth skin…

Before his thought process could get out of hand, Lucy's aunt turned around to them once more, "Mr. Dragneel."

Natsu flinched violently and almost _saluted_. "A-aye!"

"Natsu became like me!" Happy whispered in shock to Lucy who just gawked at the Dragon Slayer. Well, like she was saying – Erza-aura.

"Surely you will accompany Lucy and my humble self to lunch tomorrow." It wasn't question, not even a request, it was a downright order. "I have many questions still that I want a righteous answer to, as you will understand. I will not allow you to become a part of the family if I do not like what I hear."

An ice-cold shiver ran down Natsu's spine at the way she had said that. "Uhh…"

"Of course! He'll be there!" Lucy answered quickly, and a little too good-humored for his taste, as her delicate arms snaked around his toned one. Natsu tried his hardest not to blush and scowled at Happy when the cat smirked slyly at his misfortune.

Millacent nodded. "I should hope so. I will visit your… your _guild_ tomorrow once again. I expect you to give me a little tour this time, Lucy dear," she declared.

The blonde paled instantly, her smile wavering ever so slightly. "S-sure thing, aunt Millacent."

The elder woman nodded once again and then her solemn gaze shifted back to Natsu. He furrowed his brows as she just continued to stare at him, maybe a little expectant even, and just remained still by the door, not moving an inch. Natsu's mouth opened in wonderment, green eyes flitting to Happy who just shrugged and then down to Lucy who was still clinging his arm and doing weird stuff with her eyes. Wait, he had seen this on her before. While it looked like she was mentally ill or something, it always meant she wanted to tell him something. But what the hell was it?

Lucy groaned finally, giving him a violent push forward. "Open the door for her, sheesh! Don't you know anything about chivalry?" she hissed at him quietly enough so just he would hear.

Natsu awkwardly stumbled forward, trying to avoid the sharp glare of that demon woman that Lucy actually called her aunt. As a he grabbed the doorknob and turned it, he wondered for a short moment whether this was the first time he had ever touched Lucy's doorknob – he usually came in through her window.

"At last," Millacent sighed, and strutted through the door with her nose pointing upwards and her parasol _toc_-ing along. "I suppose your fiancé does have _some_ manners after all, Lucy dear."

While the Dragon Slayer fought the nagging urge to just slam the door right into Millacent's face, Lucy was quickly there to prevent whatever sadistic plan his mind could conjure up and smiled brightly at her aunt. "We'll be seeing you tomorrow then, aunt Millacent." The blonde shot Natsu a meaningful look that he thankfully understood this time.

"Yeah, see ya." A sharp elbow hit him right between the ribs – painfully. "I-it was nice to meet you?" he added quickly and Lucy gave a satisfied smile.

"Hm," was all Millacent replied, eyes narrowing further. How she managed to make that sound more insulting than anything Gray and Gajeel combined had ever said to him was beyond Natsu's comprehension.

Lucy was never so happy about someone leaving than right now as she watched her aunt walk down her stairs – she tried to ignore the handkerchief she used to hold onto the balustrade. Well, that didn't go half as bad as she had feared it would. Hey, it could've been much worse, right?

After all, Natsu could have also blown Millacent up.

**.a.a.a.**

He just wouldn't stop glaring at her. Menacingly. At least, Lucy was sure it was supposed to look menacing, but she also knew that Natsu would never find it in him to be _that_ mad at her.

Not that he wasn't mad, oh no, Lucy knew he was pissed beyond belief. And she couldn't even blame him either. If it was him that would have forced her to play along in this, she would be pummeling him to unconsciousness with a very heavy thing right now. And Happy laughing his ass off so much he was rolling around on the ground – yes, literally – just made it all even worse. Lucy did feel bad, no question. But that was still no reason for him to glare at her for five whole minutes, wordlessly, which was a miracle in itself.

"W-would you stop it already," Lucy sputtered indignantly, scowling at him. "This was _one time_! One time compared to the hundreds of times you've dragged me into some insane mess! You're just being unfair right now!"

Finally, Natsu's eyebrow twitched in annoyance. "Oh yeah? I'd rather fight a thousand monsters than have lunch with that demonic old hag!" he snapped. "She keeps picking a fight and I'm not even allowed to punch her! This is just cold-blooded torture!"

"Oh, just get over yourself. You make it sound like a mission. It's just _lunch_, you dork!"

"It's not lunch, it's certain death!"

"You're being ridiculous!"

"Ahaha, listen to you. You don't even need to act," Happy snickered, tears forming in his eyes. "You're like a married couple most of the time anyway."

Two fierce pair of eyes shot him a harsh death glare. "_We're not_."

Happy simply smirked, not affected in the least. "Oh c'mon, you totally lllllike each other."

While Lucy blushed with anger or embarrassment or both, Natsu chose to ignore his partner and foster son as he thoughtfully tilted his head. "Y'know, what you said earlier sounds pretty reasonable after all, Lucy," he said.

The blonde blinked, taken aback. "Huh?"

His longer than normal canines surfaced in a devilish grin. "It's actually nothing less than a mission, right?"

Lucy's jaw dropped in shock. Whenever Natsu smiled like that it was _never_ a good thing, and each of his ideas always ended badly for her. It had been like that with the Evaroo fiasco, with the S-class quest, with that 'Sexy Plan' thing in Edoras, and there were a dozens more. Oh, he was totally planning something shady. She just knew it. He was Natsu after all and he could be the worst devil of all the devilish people she knew.

"Wh-what're you plotting now?"

Natsu's eyes flashed up in a way Lucy did not like at all. His grin grew even wider – to her, he had never looked more like a demon before. "Well, what you're asking me to do is what we call a _request_ in Fairy Tail," he said smugly. "So it's only natural for me to be asking about the payment."

The look of pure horror on Lucy's face was inexplicable. He was even more evil than Millacent.

"Isn't that right, Happy?" Natsu asked the cat gleefully.

Happy fluttered over to sit on Natsu's shoulder. "Aye! Sorry, Lucy, but that's how it works," he grinned.

"You can't _possibly_ be serious," Lucy babbled numbly, eyes as wide as they could get.

"Oh, I'm pretty sure I am."

"You're the _devil_. No, you're even worse."

"Hey, that hurts my feelings."

She pointed an accusing finger at him. "You're asking a friend to _pay_ you? That's shameless!" she cried out in disbelief. "There's no way I'm agreeing to this, you madman!"

Natsu shrugged and turned away. "Fine by me, looks like you'll have to find yourself a new _fiancé_ then. Though I really dunno how you're gonna explain that to your aunt."

"I-I'm sure I can ask Mira-san to transform into you!" Lucy quickly retorted.

"Mira has a job though, weirdo." Natsu grinned widely, thoroughly enjoying seeing her so worked up. "I'm just saying. You're pretty much screwed without me, but whatever. Tell me about the mess when it's over."

The blonde bit her lower lip as she watched Natsu slowly, very slowly, make his way to the window. He was totally walking extra slowly on purpose. He was waiting. Of course that dumbass was waiting, he knew she needed him for this and he knew she would call him back. She hated being so helpless right now, but Natsu was right. She was screwed if she didn't agree to his lunacy. It was her own fault. She had catapulted herself into a chaos that she could only make it through if he was with her, no matter how weird that sounded.

_Gah! I have no choice, damn it!_, she thought bitterly as she balled her fists angrily. She finally looked up after having glared at the ground for a while and watched dumbfounded as Natsu opened her window in slow motion. No, even slow motion was faster than what he was currently showing. Lucy just gawked at his idiocy for a while, before she finally sighed.

"No, don't go," she said monotonously, playing along, "Please wait."

Natsu turned around with a big smile. "Yeees?"

She brought a hand up to touch her forehead, and closed her eyes in defeat. "You win. I'll pay you, but only if everything goes smoothly and you don't screw up." She _knew_ Natsu was doing his little victory dance right now and she was glad she couldn't see it. "So just tell me what you want."

"I want three things!" he declared and held up three fingers as an emphasis. "First, you'll never say no to a mission I suggest ever again!"

Lucy blinked. "That's all? Okay."

"Second, you'll never kick us outta your room again!"

Happy grinned mischievously. "Oooh, that's a good one, Natsu."

She cringed at that. That would not be easy. "I-I guess that's okay, too…"

"And third," Natsu looked her square in the eye, ominously. "You'll let us sleep in your bed for a year."

Lucy's eyes narrowed. "A month."

"Two months."

She stared at him, mouth twitching. Wow, this guy was really bad at negotiating. But who was she to complain? The only thing she could complain about was having him in her bed for two months, every night. She knew he wasn't the kind of guy who would take advantage of her while she was sleeping, but she was still of marriageable age. They were both in the years where it's natural to be interested in the wonders of the opposite sex. Her cheeks felt warmer when she thought about Natsu sleeping next to her every night and waking up next to him. He was a good-looking guy, she couldn't deny it, and although he was indefinably stupid sometimes, he was really cute while sleeping. Besides, that was no different than dating. Why did he want that of all things, anyway? All his requests mounted up to spending even more time together with each other than they usually did anyway.

God, he was so weird. No matter how hard she tried to understand him, he was a mystery to her. It must have been some kind of bigger power that nobody could comprehend that made her stretch out a hand, her cheeks fiery.

"Deal."

Natsu's face lit up to a triumphant grin as he slammed his hand into hers a little too violently so that Lucy grimaced. "All right! Always a pleasure." He grinned up at Happy. "Good thing that she swore some kinda blood oath to never break a promise, huh?"

"Aye! Lucky for us!"

Lucy felt like crying. "I told you it has nothing to do with blood."

"So it's settled then." Natsu bend down to her, giving her smug smile that Lucy found oddly attractive. "I'm all yours, _sugar pie_."

She fought hard to keep herself from blushing crimson as he was once again coming to close for comfort and to make things worse, he was saying unnecessary things. Lucy cursed her own heart for pounding so quickly because of something that it shouldn't pound for. This was just stupid. It wasn't like he actually meant what he said. This was just work to him and nothing more, and it wasn't like Lucy really wanted to think anything of it. It was all just an act.

"Do you really have to call me _sugar pie_?"

"Yup. And believe me, there's a lot more where that came from. This'll be fun!"

"Aye! Call her something with kitty next!"

"Hm. I dunno. How 'bout pudding cup?"

"Now I'm hungry!"

Lucy's face darkened as she watched them. "Kill me. Kill me now."

**.a.a.a.**

Sometimes she really hated her best friend's laugh. Especially in moments such as this one, when it was about stuff like _that_, and she just wouldn't freaking _stop_.

"No way. No way in hell," Levy giggled loudly, trying to muffle her laughter with her hand. "This is just like a soap opera. Heck, this is better!"

"I'm pretty sure God hates me," Lucy muttered against the counter inside Fairy Tail.

The bluette patted her friend's arm reassuringly, but still couldn't stop giggling. She probably thought this was the best joke of the century or something. "Aw, c'mon, Lu-chan. It's not _that_ bad, is it?" she said, smiling. "I think it's really nice of Natsu to help you out. Especially since I've heard what a… how should I put it? _Impressive_ woman your aunt is. Pity I was out on a mission yesterday."

"Nice? _Nice_?" Lucy growled dangerously and Levy actually drew back. "He's a goddamn freak! Asking me to pay him, who does he think he is? That idiot! Dumbass! Argh!"

Levy smirked, resting her head in her palm. "But the payment he wants is sorta interesting, don't you think?"

The blonde blushed at her friend's insinuating tone, turning away. "I-I don't know what you mean."

"It's kinda cute if you think about. Sounds like Natsu wants to spend every minute with you."

"No, that's not what it sounds like."

"Yes, it iiiis."

"It's not!"

"It _so_ is."

"No way! It's-"

Lucy cut herself off when she felt a suspicious presence at the bar right in front of them. Both girls slowly turned around to find Lisanna leaning against the counter, both hands supporting her head as she innocently smiled at them. That is, to everyone else it would look innocent, but Lucy and Levy knew what she could be like – she _was_ Mirajane's sister after all.

Lisanna cocked her head, grinning. "What? Go on."

The blonde paled at the sight. "L-Lisanna… what the…"

"Sorry, I couldn't help but eavesdrop. 'Cause I was trying to," Lisanna admitted. "So I take it that your aunt met Natsu, huh?"

"_Don't_ tell your sister about this. She'll never let me hear the end of it."

Levy picked up her stupid giggling right where she had left off. "And guess what. Now Natsu has to play Lu-chan's fiancé. I mean, can you really picture that?"

"Thanks a bunch, Levy-chan," Lucy uttered miserably.

"Natsu versus Lucy's scary aunt? This can only end in a disaster." As if Lucy's annoyance level wasn't already high enough, Lisanna burst out laughing along with Levy. "Let's bet how long it takes before Lucy murders them both."

"I say an hour!"

Lucy scowled at her friends. "Right, let's just all laugh at Lucy's problems."

"You're making way too big a deal outta this, Lu-chan." Levy smiled warmly at her, nudging her shoulder with hers. "C'mon, you like Natsu a lot, don't you? Why don't you just have a little fun with the possibilities?"

The blonde Stellar mage didn't really like where this was heading. "P-possibilities?"

Lisanna grinned mischievously. "What it could be like. Dating Natsu," she answered instead of Levy, winking at her.

Lucy's mouth dropped open, in shock, in disbelief, for many reasons, but no sound came out. She was so terribly taken aback that she couldn't even form a coherent thought. Her whole head heated up within seconds, from her cheeks to her ears. They couldn't possibly be hinting at what she thought they were. They couldn't actually believe she felt that way about Natsu. He was just her immature, stupid, irresponsible, insane partner – no, teammate. Partner sounded wrong to her right now. Damn, she felt really confused.

But before she could deny everything, Levy spoke up as if they wouldn't even need an answer, "Where _is_ Natsu anyway? Won't your aunt be here any minute now?"

Lucy blinked, momentarily forgetting what they had been talking about just now. "Good question, actually. He was supposed to be here half an hour ago."

"Typical, I guess…"

"Oh, speak of the devil," Lisanna purred, pointing at something behind Lucy with her chin. "There's your aunt."

The blonde flinched and slowly turned around to see her aunt strutting right towards her with swift and vigorous steps. Butler was close to her heels, carrying her parasol and her bag. Lucy swallowed a big lump in her throat and wondered where the hell Natsu was. Levy was right, this was typical. When she didn't need him, he wouldn't leave her alone, and when she did need him once, he was nowhere to be seen. That damn idiot, if he dared to chicken out on her, she swore to everything that was holy that she would strangle him slowly. But he wouldn't do that, right?

Lucy forced herself to hop off her barstool and meet her aunt halfway, a wobbly grin on her lips. "H-hi, aunt Millacent. How was your night?"

"Pleasant, actually. It was surprising, but Butler found an acceptable hotel in this… this _town_," she answered, wriggling her Caesar-like nose. "Sometimes, I believe he does have some use to me."

Butler bowed elegantly. "Thank you, madam."

"Wimp," Cana snorted into her barrel.

"I do feel slightly hungry, Lucy dear. Let us save the tour through this… this _guild_ for some other time," Millacent declared, gesturing around in downright disgust. "Now where is Mr. Dragneel so we can leave for lunch? Butler made reservations in an exquisite restaurant, so he says. Although I highly doubt his taste."

"I take full responsibility should you not like it, madam," Butler quickly said, sweating.

Lucy tried to ignore the curious glances her guild mates were throwing at her after her aunt had mentioned Natsu's last name and continued to nervously nudge her fingers together. "W-well, about Natsu… it's like this… he…"

"Phew! Sorry I'm late, babydoll!"

The blonde almost jumped out of her skin when two strong, masculine arms encircled her waist from behind and a toned body pressed up against her back just a moment after. A gasp went through the rows of Fairy Tail, eyes widened, someone gagged loudly that Lucy guessed had to be either Gray or Gajeel and from the corners of her eyes she could see Mirajane fainting in delight. Memo to Lucy: Kill Natsu when this was over.

Struggling so her voice would sound sweet, she turned around to his infuriatingly adorable grin and said, "Th-there you are, _pumpkin_. Just where have you been?"

"Oh, I bought a little something for your aunt. Couldn't have come empty-handed, right?" Natsu almost _cooed_. Oh god, he was _enjoying_ this. "Happy, if you would."

"Aye, sir!"

Happy surfaced from god knows where, holding a large bouquet of various flowers, pink, yellow, blue and more. He came to a halt in front of Millacent who, Lucy noted surprised, looked quite impressed. The elder woman took the bouquet from the cat, pleased but not even the ghost of a smile was evident on her face.

"Thank you, Mr. Dragneel. I must say I did not expect this," Millacent said, pushing the flowers into Butler's arms.

Lucy was vainly trying to close her gaping mouth. Did _the_ Natsu Dragneel, _the_ Salamander, _the_ single most troublesome wizard the world has ever known, just give her aunt _flowers_ as a present? This could not be reality. It had to be some kind of parallel universe, since there was just no way in hell Natsu would ever use his brain in an actually convenient way. And damn it, he was still hugging her like it was the most natural thing on Earthland. What the hell was she experiencing here?

"Glad you like 'em," Natsu replied cheerfully and then leaned closer to Lucy to mutter in her ear, but loud enough so her aunt and anyone close by would definitely hear, "Anything for my sweetheart's aunt."

And then he kissed her cheek. He actually _kissed_ her goddamn _cheek_.

Gray gaped at the scene in pure horror. "The _fuck_ is going on-"

"I think I'm gonna puke," Gajeel stated.

Lucy's heart sank into her feet while the whole guild started babbling agitatedly. Had this hothead gone mad? Was he out of his mind? He actually went and did _that_ in front of the whole Fairy Tail guild, meaning everyone had seen it. How was she ever going to explain this? And her aunt. Her aunt was very intelligent. There was just no way she wouldn't get suspicious after this, especially since Lucy had told her they had been dating for two years. Of course it would look weird that her guild mates had no idea about it. Oh god, it was all over. That idiot, idiot, idiot!

"After two years, you still had no idea? Sheesh, you guys are so slow!" Lisanna suddenly called out from behind the bar. "I just came back two weeks ago and I immediately knew those two were together."

"HUH?"

Lucy stared in disbelief at the ivory-haired girl as Levy giggled. "Yeah, but it's to be expected they had no idea," said the bluette, "They don't really flaunt it usually, you know?"

Gray was still gaping. "What the _fuck_-"

"Well, now you know," Natsu said nonchalantly, letting go of his fake-fiancée to grab her hand. "Can we go to lunch now?"

The blonde had no idea whether to just slap Natsu until he didn't know his own name anymore, scream that it was all just a farce, be grateful to Lisanna and Levy or apologize to her aunt. This was all too much. And it was all her fault. Oh, she knew it had been a bad idea to act out on a limb and make up this crazy lie. Why couldn't there be a time machine that took her back and let her erase everything? Her face felt feverish, she was a little dizzy from the combination of shock about the situation and Natsu's intimate actions. It was just too much, it could just go wrong, and her aunt would start ranting now, and-

"I must say that is very relieving," Millacent said, seemingly satisfied. "I would have been ashamed to learn that my niece was inappropriately acting upon her hormones."

Lucy's head rocketed up, eyes widening. Wait, was it actually going well?

Millacent actually _smiled_. It wasn't a very smile-like looking smile, honestly speaking, it looked completely arrogant, but it was there. "I must admit that I am starting to take a liking to you, Mr. Dragneel."

The blonde Stellar mage was completely taken aback. She looked at Natsu who looked even more bewildered than she felt, and then back to her aunt who was turning around and heading outside. Even Butler was totally shocked at his employers shown of emotions – well, okay, emotion was a little exaggerated, but something just happened. Something incredible. Never had she thought that her aunt would ever approve of an obvious delinquent like Natsu. Anything but that. Slowly, a very small smile crept to Lucy's lips as she squeezed Natsu's hand. He must be doing something right. Somehow, she felt kind of proud.

_Gah!_, Lucy realized the next second, horrified. What was she thinking? They weren't _actually_ hoping for Millacent's blessing.

"Patience is none of my many good traits, Lucy dear," Millacent spat from her spot by the gate. She turned, walking ahead. "Butler, come."

"Y-yes, madam!"

Lucy gave a sigh, smiling up at her partner and, although she would rather cut off her own tongue than admit it, hero. "You ready, Natsu?"

Natsu grinned down at her, slinging an arm around her shoulders. "You betcha, honey buns."

Everyone in Fairy Tail gawked speechlessly at the pair of a blonde Stellar mage and a salmon-haired Dragon Slayer walking outside. Everyone except Lisanna and Levy who were highly amused at the whole scene, Mirajane who was still passed out from an overdose of happiness, Gajeel and Gray who were gagging at everything and Erza who nodded her approval at Lucy and Natsu finally growing up.

"So you're really not gonna stop it with the stupid pet names, huh?"

"Nope! I'm just starting here!"

**tbc**


End file.
